i need someone like you who can just shut me up and make me listen to you breathe. just so that i understand what it means to be alive.

A Brief History of Singapore

Chapter One: Early Singapore

Singapore has come a long way since her conception at the hands of Sir Stamford “Hotels, Town Clubs, Institutions and Junior Colleges” Raffles. I’ve put together a brief summary of the events that have led up to what we have become today. This is a brief history of how a small fishing village, over the course of almost 200 years and through the foresight and efforts of its leaders and pioneers, became a small fishing village with no fish.

Singapore was not found to be referred to in any historical records before the 3rd century AD. This startling revelation has led many historians to believe that the island was originally mistaken by passing ships to be the expectedly huge output of excrement that the Chinese had flushed down their toilets and had made its way through the sewage system out into the South China Sea. This mass had however, due to exceptionally strong seasonal winds during that period of time, floated ALL the way down to the conveniently named Straits of Singapore. Taiwan, Macau and many of the lesser Pacific Islands may have come about this way as well. Japan has been attributed to a diarrhoea epidemic that had raged through China several decades earlier. Singapore was called Puluozhong by the Chinese. This name was taken from the Malay ‘Pulau Ujong,’ which means, ‘Island at the end.’ Figures.

The Javanese Nagarakretagama (famously referred to as ‘that Javanese thing’ by eminent historian W.B. Pompous in his 1786 book ‘Propunciations and Elaborations on the Nature and Means of the 14th Century Javanese People and their Things’) spoke of a settlement called Temasek (meaning ‘Water Town’, in reference to the remarkable fact that the island was actually surrounded by water). The Sejarah Melayu, or Malaysian Annals (something well-loved by the people as well as a particular ex-deputy Prime Minister of theirs), describes the naming of our nation in a colourful, fantastic and vivid account. The Malaysians were very good at making up colourful, fantastic and vivid stories back then and to some extent, they still are. The story goes as follows:

Sang Nila Utama, who ruled Palembang (Another small fishing village. Everywhere was a small fishing village back then.) at the time, was out with some of his men. “Come on guys, let’s go for a spin,” he said to them as they tossed their lines into the sea, “There’s a storm coming and this place stinks.” The Indonesians weren’t renowned for their logic or coherence. Anyway, they packed their belongings and went out into the wild, blue yonder. Within minutes of embarking on their historical voyage, they realised that the ‘Wild, Blue Yonder’, in fact, belonged to Sri Buanana Tri, the town mayor, so they rushed back and swapped it for their own craft. The ship got caught in a storm soon after and Sang Nila Utama and his men lost their bearings. “Come on, men! Think!” was the cry. “Where did you put them?” They suffered for days in hunger and thirst as the ship got tossed about by the unforgiving winds. Thankfully, one of the men spotted an island nearby that they could anchor themselves at to escape the storm. “Land ahoy!” he cried. “Island to the south, Captain!” To which, Sang Nila Utama called back, “What the hell are you talking about?” The man replied, “An island, Captain! I don’t believe it either, it’s not on the map! But it’s there! We’re saved!” Sang Nila Utama shook his head. “No, you imbecile! What the heck is ‘Land ahoy!’?”

Eventually the ship managed to run aground on the shores of the island, despite all the bickering and communication breakdowns. Unbeknownst to them, they had stumbled onto the uninhabited side of Temasek. Sang Nila Utama took his first steps on the island and saw before him a majestic and proud animal that he knew would be the perfect symbol for the fledgling nation he was about to found. “I shall call this island, ‘Buayapura,’” He proclaimed.

Just then, he spotted something in the distance. Running up to it, he realised that it was a small statue of a lion with the tail of a fish (or a fish with the head of a lion, depending on how you held it.) that was placed on a pedestal. Water sprung out of its mouth like life from the womb of a pregnant woman (They used dodgy clichés back then). On the pedestal, the following words were engraved: “Welcome to Singapura, you idiot.” And thus, our island gained what more-or-less became its name, though it there were some changes made over the years. Firstly, and most importantly, the suffix ‘You Idiot’ at the end was dropped because it hurt relations with neighbouring countries. Violent sword-fights broke out at regional summits when our nation’s leaders introduced themselves: “Hi, I’m from Singapura, You Idiot.” “From where?” the other rulers would double-check in disbelief. “Singapura, You Idiot.” So you can see why our nation had a turbulent few years to get through when it started off. Singapura itself means ‘Lion City.’ The British eventually changed that name to ‘Singapore’ during their reign here, which we will get to much later. In 1967, the title ‘Republic of’ was added as a prefix to ‘Singapore’, after a famous parliamentary session that resulted in a landslide 192-3 vote in favour of adding the prefix because it, in the words of the late David Marshall, “sounded cooler.” Back to the story, then:

Just then, a figure emerged from the thick fog of the jungle and walked up to Sang Nila Utama and his men. “Oi!” he cried, “Get lost! You aren’t going to name this place whatever you like just because you’re the king of some half-baked village miles away. This here is Temasek, so take your ship and bugger off like the rest of your kind. Damn colonists.” So Sang Nila Utama caught the next ship back to Palembang and was never seen again (at least, in this essay).

The Sejarah Melayu also recounts the story of a prince from Palembang (an adventurous lot, they are), named Parameswara who decided to come to Singapore and kill the local chieftain, so that he could take over the island and make it into his own little kingdom. The chieftain was dispatched effortlessly. This probably had something to do with him being totally oblivious to the large weapon that Parameswara was wielding at the time. “Oi!” he cried, “Get lost! You aren’t going to name this place whatever you like just because you’re the prince of some half-baked village miles away. This here is Temasek, so take your ship and bug-”

Parameswara’s rule was short-lived as he was seen as a threat to the Majapahit empire (from the Indonesian Archipelago) and the Siamese people (who invented a breed of cat). Those two empires had been fighting over the Malay Peninsula for many years but they eventually lost out to Parameswara, who fled north to Muar to lay the foundations for Malacca. There was a story about a doe or deer in there somewhere too, but we forget. Malacca grew and became a powerful empire under the rule of Parameswara, culminating in a period of sustained development (called the ‘Golden Age of Malacca’) that led to the creation of the famous Malaccan dish, Laksa. Malacca then promptly faded into obscurity.

----

Chapter Two: The Brits Arriveth coming soon!

'tis the season to be jolly but it's still only november. what's up with the ridiculously early deco work along orchard road? reckon if they lie long enough and hard enough, everyone will start to believe that christmas is just around the corner. heck, it might even be next week. better get your shopping done, everyone!

my book might be coming out in january or february at borders, mph and/or kino, if things work out. if things really work out, there'll be book launches and poetry recitals at those places too. this time, i hope people i know will come down (hopefully those back from college for winter break will show up too).

michigan wants me. finally. safety school! muahaha.

damien's really funny here. i don't make excuses for everywhere else that he's not funny. it's not really a love-hate relationship we have going on. i don't really need to make fun of him at every opportunity i get, but it just seems like i'm evening out the score for the voiceless many out there who occasionally get ridiculed or laughed at by him. lish would probably get what i'm saying.

christmas.

winter’s children, all decked out in her regalia
of snowflakes, ice cakes and paraphernalia
inundated in white, overwhelmed with laughter
smiling through the night and the morning after
for first light, with bated breath they wait
their appetite for excitement can never be sate
heaven-sent presents await with a parent to say
‘merry christmas, my lovelies! open away!’
snow will fall by the pine tree wall once more
gift wrappings and trappings will scatter the floor
coloured snowfall is quite a show to behold
parents smile when a child holds christmas gold
the clarion call rings out just then:
“drop your toys! out into the snow again!”
and so they fly, leaving the house in their wake
with noise, the boys and girls head to the lake
dragging along their custom-built sleds
with aluminium armour, garments and dragon heads
skipping down the slope the sled goes
where they will end up, not one of them knows
experience tells them that their ride is done
and it ends, their sled upends and runs
they tumble and roll, and stumble in the snow
falling over one another into a heap of cold
and so they lie, laughing till they cry
before they pick themselves up for another try
only time stands in their way on this christmas day eve
the seconds beckon them to savour every memory
beautiful it is, to see them play without hindrance
after all, ‘tis the way winter looks after her children.
--

zouk.

it was alright.

--

we learn in school that every effect has a cause. it's simple. how did the so-and-so war start? because so-and-so decided to invade someone for something-or-the-other. war is a highly organised and cooperative form of theft. why does this reaction get speeded up when so-and-so is added to it? because so-and-so is a catalyst. why did the mean rise? the last item added was of a greater value than the mean. why america? the extremists hate them. detention? well.

and then we encounter predestination. the fact that we're supposed to end up somewhere. our fate. our destiny. point b on the scale map of our lives. catch is, we've got no scale map. we haven't the faintest idea where we're supposed to be going, what choices we're supposed to be making and why we're even here in the first place. there's no cause and effect in this. what is the effect of our choices? so many times in our lives, we can't see past our own indecisiveness. we need some assurance... some guarantee maybe, that it'll work out in the end and that we won't succumb to regret. philosophy and religion each gave us causes and effects to work with. it's irony. once again, we're presented with choice.

who's wares will save us? which god should we believe in? which set of beliefs is the one that will give our life meaning? where is our place in the big picture? what are the ultimate consequences of the choices we make? how do we weigh up and make those choices? questions, questions, questions. there's no textbook with set answers. no worksheets to do. no homework either. teachers? there are, but like in any school, some are good, some are bad and you can't really tell the difference along the all-important line of mediocrity.

there's a small, quiet voice within me that's telling me where i need to be. it's not love. love showed me exactly where i am now. love is beautiful that way. the words i hear are crafted from the same block of wood as i. immaterial substance. substantial material. a book of finely printed words and a spirit that envelopes me in its warmth and understanding. the effect is magical. it's like the first time somebody guessed out alound what you were going to say when you least expected it. my understanding of the causes and effects are not limited by my ignorance in this case. it's limited by the inhibitions of my spirit. i've to accept. to undo. to relearn. to remain unriven by the thoughts in my head. to seek escape in spirit. to dream.

tread softly, he (yeats) said, because you tread on my dreams.

- dedicated to her. thank you.

the email. the email. what, what, the email:

Dear Mr Gomez,
inasmuch as i realise that you are NOT the -only- damien gomez in the world, i must point out that you certainly are NOT the chairman of any bank anywhere, real or imaginary. the only thing you have in common with people who run banks is that you all like to womanise. however, that is besides the point.

i'm writing to you to acknowledge the receipt of your email and to provide a courteous, obligatory reply. this email is not, i must stress, computer-generated, though at this point, i do wish it was.

currently, i am in talks with a large malaysian organisation to publish a second collection of my works. the profits will once again go to charity, a children's hospital. the poems, however, will be written specifically for this book, with the theme of youth and illness woven into it. details are still being worked out and nothing has been confirmed.

i'm afraid i cannot accept your offer of 4 western black-crested gibbons and a rare albino dromedary, as mentioned in your previous correspondence, for the simple reason that i do not (assuming you really had a bank and that i was not doing this for charity)want to bank with you.

i thank you, though, for your attempt at an apology. and if i may add, you have bad hair.

yours sincerely,
rahul keerthi


--- Damien J Gomez wrote:

Mr Keerthi,

I hope I was not conspicous my my absence at your event at the National Library on Saturday. I regret that I was not able to attend due to a prior engagement. I have read that it went smoothly and was well-received in many quarters, and I would like to use this opportunity to extend my congratulations. May I also be so bold as to suggest, that now that you have a creditable reputation, that you could look into writing a second volume of your works, this time keeping more of the profit for yourself.

I shall be watching your career with interest, Mr Keerthi, for you may prove a worthwhile investment in the future. You are always welcome, of course, to choose to bank with us.

Sincerely,

Damien J Gomez.
Mr Chairman of the Bank.

throw out the mumbojumbo and you get: sorry! well done! get some money for it and give it to me!

okay, bad news for those of you who bought the november issue of lime. the article was pushed back to december. apologies to everyone. anyway, while you're at it, you can pick up the january issue of cleo around mid-december. can't say much about what else you'll be paying for though, when you buy those magazines.

channelnewsasia's article

the event was a blinding success. everything more or less went to plan and the whole team behind the event did a fantastic job. i'm even willing to overlook the fact that not a single one of you came down. i think i need to work on my public relations skills. but the 92 people who did turn up enjoyed the performance. i gave a talk for about half an hour, signed a few autographs and spoke to these jc students for just over an hour. did a lot of talking last night, but really enjoyed all of it. just hope i managed to turn a few minds towards my cause. that's what would really make it a success.